It’s Matt’s birthday. I wonder what Dormammu got him? Maybe he pulled some inter-dimensional strings on the latest issue of TCJ.

Television Without Pity has started covering Desperate Housewives. Huzzah! And it’s not even my birthday!

Because Graeme’s on vacation, and because I’m a masochist, I wondered, “What does the John Byrne Forum think of the latest plot development in Green Arrow?” More to the point, what does “the Chief” himself think?

Well, there’s the “real time” concern:

“Suppose Speedy takes three years, “real time”, to die. Currently, in DOOM PATROL, I have Nudge, who is 15 years old. Would I be compelled to have her age to 18 while the Speedy story unfolds in another title, unconnected to DP?”

And the “appropriate content” concern:

“…these kinds of afflictions have no place in “universes” populated by super beings such as we see at Marvel or DC. There is no reason for anyone to ever die of cancer, for instance, since Reed Richards came up with three separate cures while seeking a solution to Captain Marvel’s problem. In a world where magic exists, Barbara Gordon should not have spent two seconds in that wheelchair, let alone two decades. HIV should simply not exist. Now — it would be “unrealistic” to say that, in fact, it doesn’t exist. This is one of the mistakes many writers and editors make, chosing to treat the comicbook “universes” as if they are “parallel dimensions” to our own, and thus removing a degree of identification for the readers.”

The “fan expectations” concern:

“Give someone a mortal disease and a loud segment of fandom will demand that person die. And they will demand it over, and over, and over, and over. . . Until the person dies. Then they will say the death was a sales gimmick and utterly unnecessary.”

The “questionable role model” concern:

“It is certainly true that we have an unfortunate habit of making “heroes” out of people who fell from grace — alcoholism, drug abuse, prostitution, white collar crime — and “fought their way back” rather than those who never fell in the first place. I am often disturbed by the latest sports/movie/TV personality being trotted out as a “good example” because s/he has kicked some habit or other. The unavoidable message would seem to be “screw up your life as much as you want, kids, you can always come back from it!””

The “is Christopher Reeve a ‘hero'” concern:

“I have noticed that people have begun referring to Christopher Reeve as a “hero”. I do not wish to take away one iota of the courage he must have needed not to wake up screaming every single day, but the hard truth is there was nothing “heroic” in what happened to him, or how he dealt with it. In fact, as far as how he dealt with it, he didn’t even have a choice. We could imagine he spent every hour of every day (when not in front of the cameras) begging family members to simply kill him and get it over with — but none of them did, so he had no choice but to deal with each day as it came.* Heroism, I believe, involves choice. *Not in any way suggesting this is what was happening, just in case there are those who are paralyzed from the neck up who might be reading these words. . . “

And, naturally, the “are we safer” concern:

“If you feel safer today than you did before September 11th, you are kidding yourself. And the President is kidding himself if he feels the same way. Because there is just as much possibility, right now, that someone out there is planning something that has never been done before. And we won’t know what it is until it happens, precisely because it is something that has never been done before. “

I couldn’t quite bring myself to quote any of the other posters’ comments, because I’m about to curl up in a fetal position in the corner.

Spoilers. Such spoilers.

I’m pretty sure the ending of JSA #66 is supposed to be uplifting. The nuclear family is reunited, and Dad has finally learned not to neglect his pitiful wife and needy son.

I’m also pretty sure it’s not uplifting at all, seeing as the issue is basically about three people named Hourman jockeying to commit suicide.

Hourman I wants to die because he’s pretty much dead already. He got plucked out of the time stream years ago right before he could be murdered by Extant. Now, he wants to go back and complete that moment because his reprieve is basically over, he doesn’t want to see his son throw his life away, and he doesn’t want to screw up the time stream.

Hourman II, the son of Hourman I, wants to die in his father’s place so his elderly father can spend time with Mrs. Hourman I, atoning for years of habitual neglect. This is possibly the first Reverse Oedipal Complex I’ve seen in comics, and I’m not surprised to find that it’s creepy in either direction. And what I wouldn’t pay to see the conversation that would have followed with Mrs. Hourman I if Hourman II got his way.

Hourman I: “Honey, I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is, the son you carried for nine months and saw through drug addiction and despair has killed himself. The good news is, I’m back to give you all the sweet, sweet loving I withheld during all the years of our marriage. Hot yet?”

Hourman III wants to die so Hourman I and Hourman II don’t have to, because they’re human and Hourman III isn’t. Hourman III is a futuristic android with feelings and interests, he’s formed bonds, acted bravely, and adapted to difficult circumstances, so I’m not quite sure what the distinction is, but he seems to feel strongly that he’s somehow inferior to the other two.

Hourman III wins, so Hourmen I and II get to go home to Mrs. Hourman I. I wonder about Mrs. Hourman I. Her awful husband has been dead for ages, and she seems to have made no effort to move on with her life. Of course, apparently she never cultivated any interests of her own during her empty marriage except for sobbing and low self-esteem, so this probably isn’t too much of a stretch. She also doesn’t seem to worry much when her son vanishes for weeks at a time. Now, seeing as the son is both a recovering drug addict and a super-hero, unexplained absences might be reasonable cause for concern. Apparently not.

This just doesn’t fall into any definition of “uplifting” I recognize. Maybe next issue will be better.

Oh, wait. It’s the autopsy. Never mind.

Like Tom the Dog, I over-purchased by a mile yesterday. Then I get home and hear the message that my copy of the manga book arrived at Books-a-Million. So, it’s off to the plasma bank.

I’m not quite sure what I think of Secret War #3. Delays might have made it lose some momentum, but I don’t think a quarterly publication schedule is a recipe for breathless narrative in the first place. The painted art is attractive, but something about that approach always seems to put a burden on the subject matter (entirely in my own head, I admit). When I see painted art, I always feel like the story has to be Important. Secret Wars has a fairly interesting premise, but I don’t know how much weight it can hold.

On to some spoiler-y stuff: It was a very odd sensation for the chapter to end at what felt like the halfway point of the comic. “That’s it?” I wondered. The text piece wasn’t much of a compensation, as it didn’t illuminate anything that hadn’t been covered in the story. (I’ve liked previous text pieces in this series, though.) In fact, bits of Cap’s phone conversation were identical to things he said under other circumstances to other characters. (I have to say that I don’t think Bendis writes Cap’s dialogue very well. It seems overly formal, and not in an old-fashioned-guy kind of way. More like a spinster-etiquette-instructor kind of way.) I’ll be interested to see how people respond to the possibility that heroes have been brainwashed, given what’s going on over in Identity Crisis. (I’m actually enjoying Bendis’s portrayal of SHIELD as being a bit more shady than I’ve come to expect.)

She-Hulk #8 was my pre-purchase pick of the week, and I enjoyed it a lot, but I’m going to have to give my buy of the week award to Fallen Angel #16. Peter David has a real facility for world-building in this book, revealing interesting and relevant back story, moving ongoing plots and sub-plots forward, and providing telling character moments in every issue. Glad to hear that DC’s give-away scheme gave the book a boost (found via Johanna, who’s done her own bit for the book).

I’ve only read the first chapter, but I like what I see in the inaugural volume of CMX’s Land of the Blindfolded. It has a very Yu Watase feel to it, down to the intermittent notes from the creator. And since I love Yu Watase’s stuff (note to self: write Imadoki! review already), that’s all to the good.

On an unrelated note, Fanboy Rampage is kind of turning into an Escher drawing in Graeme’s absence.

I know a lot of comics are coming out today, but I would be your best friend forever if you made room on your shopping list for She-Hulk #8. Lots of people think it’s a pretty terrific book.

Still not convinced? Take a look at these preview pages. See what you think.

It’s funny. It’s smart. It doesn’t think the best thing you can do with a super-hero is to feature her in stories that make you want to reach for the anti-depressants. And a sudden upsurge in sales would totally confound Marvel’s prevailing editorial philosophy. What more could you ask for?

The second printing of Identity Crisis #1 has sold out before it even hit the stores. Despite it being DC’s tentpole summer moneymaker, writer Brad Meltzer still seems to think of it as the little book that could:

“And thanks to the incredible support of retailers and readers who bought the first printing and were there from the start. They’re the only reason we’re here and the only reason people started talking about it!”

So the scorched-earth promotional campaign had nothing to do with it? The mystifying attention from The New York Times? The Associated Press piece that got picked up everywhere and subsequently treated like it was some outpouring of media attention instead of geek copy editors looking for mildly diverting page fill? The all-IC-all-the-time flurry of follow-up releases that DC keeps dumping on comic news outlets who will publish almost anything? Those had nothing to do with the book’s sales? It was all just plucky, visionary fans sitting around the comic shop, making sure it didn’t get lost in the shuffle?

No. It’s not Arrested Development. It’s not Street Angel. It’s not Saved. It’s not some quirky, indie hit that held on thanks to a discerning, activist audience. It’s The Day After Tomorrow. It’s American Idol. It’s The Da Vinci Code. It’s the big, dumb blockbuster.

Accept it. Embrace it. Because to do otherwise makes you look rather foolish.

Both Ian Brill and the good folks at Peiratikos posted reminders that today is the anniversary of the death of Matthew Shepard, who was murdered for being homosexual.

I’ve had the good fortune of hearing his mother, Judy Shepard, speak here on campus. If you ever get the opportunity, please go listen to what she has to say. Her lecture coincided with a production of The Laramie Project by the theatre program. I haven’t seen HBO’s version, but the play itself is amazing.

Thank heaven for teen sleuths. Without them, the streets of Japan would be overrun with criminals.

Okay, that’s overstating things, probably a side effect of the manga I’ve been reading lately (the charming Case Closed, the middling CLAMP School Detectives, and the wonderful Kindaichi Case Files). And while it would be nice to see a professional detective who isn’t egotistical or inept, I’m more than happy to leave the investigations to the youths, particularly one as appealing as Hajime Kindaichi.

In most ways, Kindaichi is a typical kid. He’s an intelligent under-achiever who doesn’t take much of an interest in his studies. His investigative skill is more of a natural aptitude than the result of any diligence. While his knack makes him a asset when crime occurs, he’s enough of a smart-ass to make adults bristle at his interference. Dig a bit deeper into the gifted slacker and you’ll find a genuinely compassionate soul with some unusual insights into human nature.

He’s a great protagonist, and he finds himself in the thick of satisfying, grisly mysteries filled with an interesting range of suspects and victims. They crimes are structured in ways that allow careful readers to solve them. At the same time, these aren’t clinical exercises in deduction. The passions that drive the crimes are poignant, even devastating.

The two volumes I’ve read so far (Vol. 2: The Mummy’s Curse and Vol. 3: Death TV) both use an interesting storytelling technique. There’s a moment at the beginning of each that, while seemingly mundane, lays a thematic foundation for the mystery. In The Mummy’s Curse, Kindaichi and best friend Miyuki Nanase expose adult hypocrisy to help a schoolmate out of a scandalous situation. In Death TV, Kindaichi gets a reminder that you can’t assess a person’s character based on surface assumptions; everyone’s more complex than they appear. These themes recur and evolve as the mysteries move forward.

Visuals do something similar. Sometimes, camera angles and panel composition is repeated. While this is often attributed to a lazy artist with a copier, it’s used to productive effect in Kindaichi Case Files. When this happens, it’s an invitation to compare the two and search for clues. Illustrator Satoh Fumiya and writer Kanari Yozaburo apply this fairly subtly, never drawing too much of a circle around it.

There’s nice variety to the investigations in these volumes. Cracking the case in Death TV demands a careful examination of means and opportunity. Motive is actually a distraction on the way to the truth. The Mummy’s Curse depends more on finding out why the murders are taking place, though the mechanics of the crimes get some wonderfully ghoulish play, too. (It’s like a bloody logic puzzle, and I won’t say any more for fear of spoiling things.)

As if diabolical criminals weren’t challenging enough, Kindaichi also has to contend with interference from the aforementioned “professionals.” In the real world, resistance to amateur teens meddling in criminal investigations would seem fair enough, but this is fiction with a teen protagonist, so the pros get portrayed as a blend of arrogant and ignorant. (In Death TV, the detective in charge actually goes so far as to bet on the outcome of the case; Kindaichi is rightly aghast, but he goes along knowing the case won’t get solved if he doesn’t.) If Kindaichi does make a friend on the force, that friend usually just steps aside to let the kid do his thing. It would be nice if there were more of a balance between the two portrayals, a competent cop who’s an actual partner in the outcome, but it’s not too much of a distraction. And Kindaichi brings some of the resistance on himself.

But he’s also surprisingly kind and serious, in proportion with events around him. He doesn’t insert himself into cases out of ego so much as genuine concern for the safety of people around him. He even musters compassion for the perpetrators, though that doesn’t stop him from foiling them.

These volumes of Kindaichi Case Files are solidly entertaining mysteries. Fumiya and Yozaburo balance character and plot, detail and emotion. I’m looking forward to reading more.

Marvel has hired a new Director of Marketing, John Dokes. I’m hoping his first task wasn’t to sign off on the press release announcing his arrival.

The possessive form you’re looking for is its, not it’s. If I were a more generous person, I’d buy you a copy of Garner’s Modern American Usage. I’m not, so you’re (not your) on your (not you’re) own.

If Dokes can only do one thing in his new position, I hope it will be to scrap the horrible style Marvel uses to write solicitations. I know they’re just selling comics, but those blurbs make my head hurt. They read like watered-down versions of Wizard’s Picks, and, while the exclusion of ejaculate references is appreciated, they’re still awful.

(Edited because hubris is a terrible, terrible thing. Thanks for the correction, kjánari!)

Hot on the heels of Newsarama’s interview with Marvel Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada, we get a similar peek into DC’s Dan Didio, recently re-titled as Vice President – Executive Editor, DC Universe. While Didio scores points for eschewing the cadaverous “true believer!” shtick, what really strike me are the distinct differences between these two comics juggernauts.

So, gents, how do these crossover events come about?

JQ: “What’s most fun about this is that our Marvel creative community is so into this as well, it must be in the air… There are strings of e-mail I wish I could show you in which our creators are spitballing about events involving the Marvel U and trying to keep things cohesive.”

DD: “The most exciting thing to say about the follow-ups and connected stories is that I can’t tell you where an idea started, because everybody has taken ownership of it. Everybody who’s involved is involved in the process. We’ve been talking about it, and massaging it, and working it through, so it really has a natural sense of how it can go.”

Wow! Creator synchronicity rocks! But doesn’t it suck when books get great reviews and still don’t sell?

DD: “At the end of the day, if we put something out that we’re proud of, that we all believe in, and are glad to put the DC bullet on, then I think it’s worth putting out, regardless of the sales.”

JQ: “We just have to pull the plug once the book no longer makes money, others have the ability to let their books fall into the red and continue publishing. I wish we could work that way, but we just can’t.”

Okay, that’s kind of different. But what about pushing the envelope with new ideas?

JQ: “I firmly believe that as the business continues its sturdy, steady growth, we’ll all be able to break in new ideas that have a better chance of survival. To be honest, we’ve launched several new projects that have done better in today’s climate than we were expecting and that’s a great sign.”

DD: “I have to say though, that we need to continue pushing different stories, different characters, and different ideals. Realistically, what happens if the superhero bubble bursts one day? Where do we stand? We’re standing with nothing.”

Ouch! Maybe there’s more of a schism than I thought! But what about reader response to controversial stories?

DD: “It’s great that it’s positive and negative too. If it’s one flavor, one answer, then it’s not striking any chords. The fact that we’re able to polarize so many people with such strong opinion is a wonderful thing to do.”

JQ: “Yes, I’ve been ecstatic with the stories and response. We’ve touched a nerve and it seems that people are buzzing at comic shops. They love it, they hate it, they don’t know what to think or expect but they’re reading it!”

Wow! It’s okay to hate it, so long as we keep buying it! Thanks, guys! But what’s coming up? What are the defining trends for your respective companies?

JQ: “ARRRGH! I can’t tell you just yet. We’re about two weeks, maybe sooner, from breaking some news but let’s just say it involves a Hollywood director, and a single character book launching out of Marvel Knights with a #1 in February. This particular book will be affecting the Marvel U in huge ways. It may not seem like it at first but trust me, it will big and a lot of fun!”

Goody! More star-f___ing!

DD: “There are so many strong threads that come out of Identity Crisis that we were able to hang a lot of stories on into 2005…”

Awwww… they’re f___ing the star they’re with. *Sniff.*