It seems like I go to fewer and fewer movies each year. Part of that is driven by a growing aversion to other moviegoers who don’t know how to behave in public. Part stems from the fact that I’d rather stay at home and nest than brave the mall, abetted by the convenience of Netflix and the shorter turnaround time between a theatrical release and availability on DVD.
But I almost always go out to see a movie when home visiting relatives. My family lives in a larger market with more choices than I get here in northern West Virginia, and it’s a nice break from the family homestead. But I’m having a hard time lining up movies I’d like to see.
With my well-documented love of musicals, you’d think this would be a peak season, what with Rent and The Producers in theatres. But Rent has always irritated me. It falls into the category of musicals that get immediately and warmly embraced by show choirs, and I always consider that a big flashing sign to avoid said musical like the plague. I’d much rather listen to the parodies of the show contained in Forbidden Broadway Strikes Back than the show itself. (Christine Pedi as a fashion buyer going nuts for grunge is a particular highlight: “The Rent boutique at Bloomingdale’s is loaded with your neighbor’s junk./So if you want to be a hunk,/Think punk!”)
As for The Producers, either Nathan Lane or Will Ferrell would be enough to give me a cinematic migraine. With their combined scenery-chewing powers, I would almost certainly lose my mind. The commercials alone induce mild seizures.
My partner is very taken with the possibility of a live-action Aeon Flux movie. He’s fascinated by Charlize Theron’s career trajectory, and the animated series is one of the few cartoons he’s ever liked. Still, it fairly screams “Netflix rental” to me.
I’ve had a weird reaction to every preview I’ve seen of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. The color palette seems all wrong to me, too shiny and sparkly and Disney. This one will depend on what kind of reviews it gets.
As for King Kong, there are already two perfectly good versions of it, and neither of them asks me to pay money to see Jack Black. Wake me up when someone makes a version where the gorilla wins.
That pretty much leaves Brokeback Mountain, which has already gone some ways towards helping the world forget that Ang Lee directed The Hulk. I can’t say I’m excited by the prospect of spending two hours with Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, but it’s Ang Lee and gay cowboys. You see my dilemma, don’t you? (Plus, I harbor a secret hope that Tokyopop will publish a cine-manga for the yaoi crowd.)
If all else fails, at least my parents’ cable provider carries Turner Classic Movies.