How weird is it that I’m annoyed by a television show I haven’t seen yet that adapts a series of mediocre crime novels? But there’s just something about Bones that bugs me.
As Tom the Dog noted, Bones is “”inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and best-selling novelist Kathy Reichs,” but the title character, Temperance Brennan, has clearly gone through the scar-off machine on her way from page to tube.
Tom describes TV-Temperance as “a crime-solver, an expert marksman with a pistol, a formidable martial artist, and a best-selling author — plus, she can really rock a tank top, if you know what I mean.” This would be some producer’s idea of “making the character more accessible” or “giving her layers,” I’m guessing.
The page version of Temperance is a forty-something anthropology professor who divides her time between a North Carolina university and the evidence lab of the Province of Quebec, where she studies bones found at crime scenes. She’s amicably divorced, has a college-aged daughter, is a recovering alcoholic, and has the kind of wide circle of friends and colleagues needed to sustain an ongoing mystery series.
I should really stress that the books aren’t that great. The forensic content is interesting, and I like the split setting, but Temperance is kind of an idiot outside of the lab. She isn’t a cop or an investigator so much as a scientist, but this doesn’t stop her from putting herself in danger, either through stubbornness or obliviousness. (These qualities tend to result in intermittent reductions of the aforementioned circle of friends and associates.) Despite her self-deprecating sense of humor and everywoman quality, Temperance can get awfully maudlin as she contemplates whatever remains lie on the slab in front of her. Empathy in such situations is understandable, but it gets to the point where you wonder how she functions.
They’re the kind of books that you pick up in paperback at an airport newsstand or borrow from the library when you’re headed for the beach. But you definitely get the sense that Temperance has earned her station as a scientist over time, building a scholarly reputation and the respect of her peers. It seems like a waste to turn a potentially interesting role for an actor of a certain age (say Mary Steenburgen or Kristine Sutherland) into a frosty (but hot) crime-buster. It’s a forensic procedural, for pity’s sake, and those really have to stink to bomb in ratings. Why glam up a perfectly serviceable set-up?
I’m very curious about another book-to-tube offering, Kitchen Confidential. Lyle is really looking forward to it, and I seem to remember Ed saying he liked the preview. It’s inspired by a memoir by Anthony Bourdain, a professional chef’s notorious look at the seamy underbelly of professional restaurants. Imagine if the cast of Sin City were back in the kitchen searing your sea bass.
I can’t picture Bourdain’s hilariously spiteful worldview being turned into a situation comedy. Given his derision of celebrity chefs, it seems like precisely the kind of thing he’d despise. (He’d also probably note what a hypocrite he is, since mocking self-awareness is the thing that saves Bourdain from being hopelessly obnoxious.) If nothing else, it will make for an interesting chapter in his next memoir.