The Little Marvel Players present: New Avengers 3!
(At the skyscraper.)
Captain America: That, my friend, was mythic.
Iron Man: Um… I guess.
Captain America: Can’t you feel it?
Iron Man: Well…
Captain America: It’s like Lee and Kirby are in the room with us. Magic time, old friend.
Iron Man: But don’t you think… Oh, never mind.
Captain America: What?
Iron Man: No, it’s nothing.
Captain America: (Sighs.) No, you’ve got something to say, so say it.
Iron Man: It’s not really… new, is it?
Captain America: (Rolls eyes.) Here we go.
Iron Man: Hear me out. It’s like… old story, new paint job.
Captain America: But it’s an old story through a new lens. It’s… it’s new. And cool.
Iron Man: (Pauses.) Wouldn’t it have been… cooler if we’d actually… seen the cool stuff? I mean, instead of talking about it later?
Captain America: Not that “show-don’t-tell” rap again.
Iron Man: We just seem to be spending a lot of time trying to convince ourselves that it’s cool and new. And it’s really just kind of a Marvel Team-Up Annual. Don’t you get that feeling?
Captain America: (Pauses.) We’re in a skyscraper now.
Iron Man: (Shudders.) From quaint to corporate. We probably shouldn’t draw too much attention to—(Jarvis enters.)
Captain America: (A bit desperately.) Hey, it’s Jarvis! Look, old friend! Jarvis!
(In the apartment of Jessica Jones and Luke Cage.)
Jessica Jones: Cap! Huggles!
Captain America: (Sniffles. Pats Jessica’s belly.) How’s your constantly imperiled symbol of hope in an increasingly dangerous, cynical world coming along?
Jessica Jones: The baby? She’s fine.
Captain America: Great!
Jessica Jones: (Thinks for a moment.) Wait… don’t I hate you? Because of that Secret War thing?
Captain America: You might. It’s hard to keep track.
Jessica Jones: But… the same guy writes all these books. (Luke enters.)
Captain America: (A bit desperately.) Hey, it’s Luke! Look, Jessica! It’s Luke!
(On a rooftop.)
Captain America: Set-up.
Daredevil: Meta statement.
Captain America: Set-up.
Daredevil: Plug for solo title.
Captain America: Set-up.
Daredevil: Meta statement.
(Outside the skyscraper.)
Spider-Woman: I don’t know about this.
Unseen Figure: What’s not to know?
Spider-Woman: This whole “potentially untrustworthy chick” gig.
Unseen Figure: Come on, a comeback’s a comeback.
Spider-Woman: But, see, I’m the chick who always seemed untrustworthy but was really ace. It was my thing.
Unseen Figure: Yeah, in the 1970s. Times change.
Spider-Woman: It still makes me nervous.
Unseen Figure: That’s cool. We can always call Tigra.
Spider-Woman: I didn’t say –
Unseen Figure: And Warbird’s free.
Spider-Woman: Okay, I get it, all right? Dozens of unused heroines just dying to be the femme. Point taken. (Sighs.)
Unseen Figure: (Impatiently.) So?
Spider-Woman: Fondly remembered obscurity is looking better and better.
Unseen Figure: Time is money, Jess.
Spider-Woman: (Narrows eyes.) You said the magic word. I’ll do it, but I’d better at least get a solo mini out of it.
Unseen Figure: That’s the spirit!
(Somewhere else.)
Sentry: Um… hello? (Waits.) Anyone?