As I mentioned previously, I purchased Wizard #157 the other day. I’m sorry, but I have to do something to get my money’s worth, and if I have to drag you all down with me to do it, so be it.
I’m kidding, of course. I love you too much for that. Please feel free to click “Back” on your browsers if you like. I’ll wait.
Just the diehards left? Okay, then.
Page 23: The Heat Index says that Powers has the “[f]unniest damn letters page in comics.” This should have been my cue to put the magazine down and walk away. (And, yes, I shouldn’t have needed that cue in the first place.)
Pages 38-44: Normally, I would greet a detailed article on the pending return of Hal Jordan with complete disinterest, but one quote did jump out at me from writer Geoff Johns:
“`The tone of Rebirth is basically the opposite of Identity Crisis,’ says Johns, adding that he’ll be paying respect to the past while giving fans a side of GL and his world they’ve never seen before. ‘We’re bringing somebody back and trying to do a very uplifting story about heroism, what it means and what you have to overcome in order to be a hero.’”
Those are perfectly fine sentiments, and it’s nice to see some counter-programming to the terribly depressing IC. But Johns certainly is playing both sides, isn’t he? He’s got a three-part IC tie-in in Flash, and readers are to be treated to Sue Dibny’s autopsy in JSA. (Anyone want to start a pool on how much her liver weighs?) And as things to overcome go, a record as a mass murderer is certainly right up there.
Page 50: As bad as you might suspect a Wizard Q&A with Frank Cho about his upcoming Shanna the She-Devil mini-series might be, I respectfully suggest you lower the bar. I’m stunned that nobody saw fit to work in a “pencil-d*#k” joke.
Page 52: Hey, kids! Listen to Mark Millar when he says that pouring whiskey into your eyes is a bad idea! The desire is understandable, particularly if you just read the Shanna interview, but resist!
Page 56: Millar incorrectly identifies Wolverine’s early-2000s look as “gay, disco bunny Wolverine” when it was clearly “gay, leather daddy Wolverine.” Do your research, man.
Page 58: Ooh, spoilers from Millar’s upcoming Wolverine run: the Hand will be killing super-heroes and resurrecting them as super-villains. Zombie, ninja super-heroes. That sound you hear almost has to be something collapsing in on itself, but I’m not sure what.
Page 60: The “Enemy of the State” arc is going to have crossovers! And its own logo! And probably many of the crossover titles will have “Young Guns” logos, too! So, basically, these covers will look kind of like the ticker at the bottom of Headline News.
Page 64: Rachel Weisz is a lovely and versatile actress. She must have a terrible, terrible agent. I hope she conducted this interview by phone.
Page 94: I’m always game for more Julian McMahon, but it seems a waste to cast him as Doctor Doom in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie. He’s purty.
Page 102: There’s an encouraging quote from Jim Lee in this piece on DC’s new CMX manga line:
“`We want to make sure we capture the original vision of the creator,’ Lee
added, ‘and maintain the highest level of quality possible.’”
Since I think the creator’s vision is at the heart of manga’s appeal, I find that comment cause for optimism.
Pages 110-116: The Picks section almost makes me never want to touch another comic book again as long as I live. That can’t be the intention, can it?
Page 168: One of the 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Brad Meltzer is that Identity Crisis almost didn’t happen. “Almost” only counts in horseshoes, Wizard.
There. I feel cleansed. Thank you for your forbearance. I promise not to do this to you (or myself) for a while.