The success of Bravo’s Project Runway was bound to trigger attempts at imitation, so it wasn’t surprising that the Food Network put together its own creativity competition, The Next Food Network Star. It wasn’t especially riveting, as you can’t exactly cast your lens on inter-contestant bitchery when you’re hoping to slide them into the void that will be left after Rachael Ray’s inevitable nervous collapse.

As a result, The Next Food Network Star was pretty boring, certainly in comparison to Runway clone Top Chef. (Unfortunately, the second season of Top Chef has focused almost exclusively on inter-contestant bitchery at the expense of anyone actually cooking.) But the first season did at least introduce the Hearty Boys, Dan Smith and Steve McDonagh, who now host Party Line.

I’d be lying if I said that the fact that they’re a gay couple didn’t have anything to do with my happiness with their success in the competition. And I do think they won it on merit. They showed the fastest learning curve of any of the contestants and had an appealing on-camera dynamic.

But Food Network stardom is fickle. Why the network even bothers with a competition is beyond me, since they’re introducing new hosts all the time as it is. It would be going too far to suggest that the path to fame is littered with the corpses of past next Food Network stars, but the network doesn’t seem to be too inclined to hand-holding or patience. If you catch on, you’ll be plastered all over the place. If not, well, here’s the number for your local PBS affiliate.

There are encouraging signs for McDonagh and Smith. They’re in their second season, and production values have improved markedly since the first. (Their original set was only a few rungs up from that cheap kitchenette where poor David Rosengarten didn’t even have a functioning sink during the early years.) And the guys are fun.

Pros:

Most of the Food Network hosts are solo acts, so co-hosts make for a nice change of pace, since neither of them is Jack Hourigan.

Their dynamic is conversational and funny.

I’m an appetizer hound, so I like the focus of their menus.

They round out their menus with complementary, no-effort items. Their spreads never seem stingy.

They offer useful entertaining tips and serving suggestions.

Cons:

Is there a worse time slot for a cocktail-friendly show than Saturday morning? Chances are better that viewers are recovering from their last bash than planning their next.

They could pull back on the joviality a bit. They try a little hard sometimes.

Remember that episode of The Simpsons about Homer’s barbershop quartet and the part where they came up with the name? The same rules apply to “The Hearty Boys.”

Summary:

They’re fun to watch and have the potential to carve out an interesting niche in the Food Network line-up, but they probably can’t rely on the network to help them too much.

I thought it would be easy to evaluate the cheflebrity of Sandra Lee, of Semi-Homemade fame. Her approach and aesthetic make her the anti-Martha, and for everyone who rolls their eyes at Stewart’s parchment-paper lined rigidity, there are plenty who will view Lee’s unnatural acts with envelopes of powdered ranch dressing mix with equal disdain. (Seriously, I think most people who cook regularly rest somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.)

So why is it that I’m suddenly feeling reluctant to dole out too much mockery on a person who has actually taken a store-bought apple pie, crumbled it into packaged whipped topping, and layered it between strips of baked phyllo? What’s not to mock about that?

For one thing, it isn’t like Lee has invented the “pimp my can” style of cookery. While James Beard and Julia Child were popularizing gourmet techniques, Poppy Cannon was dousing dubious ingredients with liqueurs and setting them ablaze in an attempt to make them more festive and glamorous. (High standards and derision for “home economists” aside, Beard himself shilled for Green Giant.)

And while episodes of her television show can inspire Mystery Science Theatre-esque home viewing, there isn’t a whisper of cynicism to Lee’s presentation.

Pros:

She seems absolutely sincere in the belief that her food is delicious, her decorating ideas festive, and her economies of time and money valuable to her audience.

She does not want for confidence, which is good, because any cracks would make the whole thing fatally uncomfortable.

“Cocktail time” really is the best time of the day.

Cons:

Some of her economies are patently false. Packaged flavor mixes are ultimately much more expensive than a decently stocked spice rack, and some of the mixes have really unpleasant additives and ridiculous quantities of sodium.

Seriously, she crumbled up a store-bought pie as an ingredient in a dessert, taking a perfectly good prepared dish and turning it into something needlessly complicated and, frankly, a little scary.

She is leading the charge in the degradation of the martini. If there’s a war on Christmas, there’s certainly a war on this innocent, uncomplicated libation. Nothing that includes pumpkin pie spice as an ingredient can be called a martini.

Summary:

A lot of Food Network’s programming focuses, if not actually on a gourmet standard of cookery, then at least on higher-end preparations and ingredients. Not everyone wants to work that hard or spend that much, and given the popularity of Lee’s lifestyle products, a lot of people buy into her approach wholeheartedly. So while I personally would probably never try and replicate one of her recipes at home and I watch her program with horrified amusement, I think it’s great that not everyone has to have a pot of fresh rosemary on their kitchen windowsill to play along. She believes in what she’s doing. It’s not for me to wonder how.

Michael Chiarello is one of those Food Network celebrities who seems not to have quite taken off. He has one program, Easy Entertaining, and doesn’t seem as entwined in the Food Network subculture as others. He’s not a utility celebrity like Tyler Florence, and he seems largely immune to the star-factory quality that has overwhelmed some otherwise innocuous tele-chefs who suffer through the overexposure.

This might be because he’s occupied elsewhere and is perfectly content with his current level of activity and exposure. It could also be because he doesn’t quite click with viewers. I can buy either explanation, though I do like his menus a lot.

Pros:

I really like how he breaks down menu preparation, letting home cooks know what they can do well in advance of the event. The aspect of time management makes his recipes seem much more achievable.

His recipes are that nice combination of interesting but replicable – great flavors that might not immediately occur to a home cook, but nothing so complex or technical that it’s just an invitation to vicarious drooling.

He likes gray salt. That says good things about a person.

Despite being in a comparative foodie paradise, the Napa Valley, he doesn’t come off as intractable about ingredient quality or prone to use esoteric items that most viewers can’t find at their grocery store.

Cons:

I think he tends towards smarminess. He’s just… really pleased with himself.

While I always like it when these shows actually show the event in progress, I get an unmistakable vibe that somewhere, just off camera, there is a bowl full of the guests’ keys that will be randomly redistributed later in the evening.

He’s the founder of “Napa Style,” which sets off my twee alarm.

Summary:

As a cook, I like his approach and his flavors. As a television personality, I find him a little off-putting. I might have to give a closer look at his cookbooks to see if I can get the information and recipes without the smarm.